Soberman
by David Weitz
I’ve always kept an open mind when hearing what others have to say about living a life of sobriety. If I don’t particularly care for someone as an individual, my experience has been that I often learn more from those I can’t stand than from my closest friends. However, there’s always one in the group who strays from the herd to knit their “recovery cape,” determined to save us all from ourselves. Without any guidance from a sponsor, these self-proclaimed saviors decide early in their new lives that it is their divine duty to lead us all to freedom. They talk faster than a speeding bullet and think they’re more powerful than a locomotive. As they dart to the kitchen to claim credit for making the coffee, they return, Big Book in hand, as Soberman!
Always early to a meeting to scope out the room, Soberman spares no time in beginning his new career of saving the inferior. Similar to the game “Life,” Soberman races around the game board, putting as many bent pegs into his car as humanly possible. He knows no equal to his grandiose personality, with arms so long they rise higher than cathedral ceilings. With one deep breath, he vibrates any meeting he graces with his incredible strength, crushing every eardrum in a single room. Then, after the meeting is over, he’s up, up, and away—soaring high above the local ghettos and bars, looking for more victims to add to his already enormous collection of the lost.
Yet, as with any hero’s tale, there comes a battle that inevitably brings Soberman to his knees. For anyone who isn’t him, this is a joyful occasion. Many who don the cape of Soberman eventually find themselves exposed, caught red-handed with a laundry list of shortcomings, and silenced by the perfect dose of Kryptonite. Public humility often becomes the medicine that saves their life. If they’re lucky enough to beat the odds and find the courage to remove their cape, they might even stand a chance of living above ground. Should a moment of clarity strike their defected character—the very defect that made them Soberman in the first place—they might transform into a true hero. One who uses courage, honor, and dignity to face the battles in the rooms of our international fellowship, no longer striving to be perfect but striving simply to be real.
