Self Centered
If you think making different meetings one night a week in church basements is difficult, try recovering in a clubhouse to test where you are with your program. When I first arrived, I didn’t know if I was seen as new more by the literal definition, or by my outlandish behavior. By the time I reached my third coin, I had half the room cheering me on to say whatever was on my mind and the other half hoping I’d find another clubhouse on the other end of the planet. ‘Principles Before Personalities’ wasn’t just a tradition I saw on a wall or heard at meetings. It soon became a power phrase I’d chant to myself like a crazy person! Imagine walking into the same room filled with personalities you not only mingled with on Mondays, but also Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and let’s not forget about the weekends you spend together too! All that was missing was a half-decent bed and I might as well have grabbed my toothbrush and just slept there!
Of course, anyone who shares my experience with this particular topic knows exactly what I am talking about. Even funnier, anyone that can relate to what I am saying gets to a point where they realize that it’s time to get brave and try to make another meeting outside their clubhouse. So, you plan the occasion like a date with someone except the date is with yourself. How romantic! You shower up and find yourself trying to appear fancier than usual. You arrive early, sit down and the meeting begins. Then, you come to the sudden realization that you miss the personalities you see seven days a week. Even the ones you don’t like, you miss not liking them! After this odd occasion, you go home to sleep it off and the next day, find yourself back in the same familiar chair, relieved that no matter what meeting you would have gone to, there’s no place like home.
I’m sure one day I’ll get brave again and slowly evolve outside my habitat. In the meantime, I have to say honestly that where I recover there’s no comparison between the good I receive versus the personalities that continuously challenge me. It’s where I feel proud to welcome the newcomer who seeks the safety of a home that’s always open to those with nothing better to do except get well and make meetings from early in the morning until exhausted. I consider myself lucky compared to the rest of the world that doesn’t share the same luxury I have worked so hard to complain about. I guess it’s just the self-centered part of me that brought me to my knees to begin with. Then again, at least I have a center to be myself in.
