My Ultimate Bottom
I want to start off by saying that I grew up in a happy home with two loving parents who were happily married. I got good grades in school, played tons of sports, and had tons of friends. Although some of this is true, this is not my story.
I did play sports, but that got ruined when I started smoking pot in high school. I did have good grades in middle school. And I did have loving parents; however, they were not happily married. I never felt as though I fit in any way whatsoever. So, I used drugs and alcohol to help me fit in.
I started how most people do with alcohol, then pot, to acid, Adderall, ecstasy, Percocet, oxycontin, cocaine, and eventually, my number one love - heroin. Heroin turned me into a liar, cheater, manipulator, thief, prostitute, and an all-around scumbag. My bottom was stealing my mother’s engagement ring that my father gave her and pawning it for $25. It was sleeping with a drug dealer for two bags of heroin. It was getting arrested at my job and charged with drug paraphernalia. It was sleeping with an old rich guy for money to get high. It was picking up dirty needles off the street of Kensington Avenue because I couldn’t get a clean one. It was robbing my ex-boyfriend for a few grand. It was racking up hundreds of dollars on my mom’s credit card.
My ultimate bottom was after I stole jewelry from my mother I sold for $250. I took the money and went to Kensington Avenue and bought $250 worth of heroin. I sat in my car, on the avenue, shooting up and writing out my suicide note. I was going to kill myself by overdosing, on the avenue. I had a friend call me and ask me to come over. That’s what kept me from killing myself. That, and the fact that deep down I knew this wasn’t the path God chose for me.
A few days later I went into my last rehab because I had no more family or friends left. All I had was a boyfriend who was threatening to kick me out every other day. I hated the rehab and left, but I hated myself and the way I was living even more. The rehab gave me just enough time to clear my head of the haziness to realize that my life was a disaster and there had to be a better way to live. I did everything I didn’t want to do. I gave my car to my dad, got rid of my cell phone, got a job, gave all my money to my parents to hold and went to meetings. I got a sponsor; I hang out with my friends in the program and my clean friends out of the program. I had to get rid of ALL my friends using drugs, which wasn’t hard because towards the end I didn’t have any friends anyway.
Today I have tons of friends, a great job, all of my family, a car, a bank account with money in it, and a cell phone. But most importantly, I have my self-respect back. I can look in the mirror and like the person looking back. I’m still working on myself, and I will every day, but I appreciate life so much more now and wouldn’t change who I am today for anything.
