God As I Don’t Understand Him
By David Weitz
Thousands of newcomers who find their way into recovery arrive spiritually fractured. From an early age, our understanding of God begins shaping our character long before we ever recognize our struggle with substance abuse. We grow up surrounded by larger-than-life figures and religious authorities who mold us according to a blueprint designed to keep humanity in line. Once we accept their narrative, the teachings of these so-called enlightened figures can feel like poison—eroding any belief that we’ve followed the right path and leaving us convinced we’ve failed. Meanwhile, we hear others speak of reconciliation with a distant authority, a concept many of us can’t grasp at all.
For those who dare to revisit that blueprint, don’t be surprised when your highest expectations of God shatter under the weight of reality—when innocent lives are cut short before they graduate high school… when children die from curable diseases for lack of basic healthcare… when millions starve in third-world countries without a chance to eat. Our sober reality is often filled with unanswered—and unanswerable—questions.
In many parts of the world, we are fortunate to have access to countless recovery meetings. But in other countries, those suffering from the same illness must drive for hours to experience a single glimmer of hope, if they can attend meetings at all. And what about those living under systems where they cannot acknowledge any higher power other than the one they’re imprisoned under? Are we truly meant to understand God’s will for us—or is God’s will so complex that it lies far beyond human comprehension, even for the brightest minds?
Sometimes those who expect the least from a higher power gain the most from this unwritten journey. Until we land—broken from years of self-abuse—into the hands of others who have walked the same jagged path, the only power greater than ourselves is the substance we’re enslaved to. Once we get sober, a new way of life is offered to us without preconditions… and that alone becomes a power greater than anything available in this often cruel and unusual world.
Perhaps, for the rest of us, God as we don’t understand Him might just be the best understanding of Him we can have.
